He's Just Not That into You

Within a few hours of realizing this was a whole book, I had read the whole thing and gone to sleep highly dissatisfied with absolutely everything about dating, both in theory and for myself. If this concept liberates you from an unsatisfying relationship, then great. If it helps you keep from making an utter fool of yourself, then great (and by "you" and "yourself" I mean "me" and "myself"). But it just seems too simple to account for all the interesting bits and bobs about actual people and their incredibly varied relationships. I know the authors would just tell me I've been brainwashed to say that, and that I'm just making excuses. They're probably right, but I also can't bear to give up on the idea that one statement cannot possibly capture all the possible contexts and combinations.

For the record, if I applied the authors' definitions to all of my past entanglements, there would be three whole guys who had been that into me. The ninth grade creep, who definitely came after me but then quickly scared me off by watching me open my locker and then stored my combination in his calculator watch (it was 1989, remember); the junior year real, true boyfriend, who broke my heart by dumping me when he started doing drugs; and the Canadian, who was gay and has just invited me to his wedding. Even though I'm not sure I wholly care, it never feels good to be left with only three examples of being loved.

They'll say I'm being naive, but I'll say my life is more complicated than that.

I also think the authors' statement that "you are exceptional, but you are not the exception [to the rule that 90% of the time a man's weird behavior just indicates HJNTIY]" - I mean, that doesn't even make sense gramatically. But by the very definition of the term, not everyone can be exceptional. And as the female author points out, the math debunks the idea that there is a "good man" out there for every woman who wants one. And that when you don't meet people very often, it's hard to give up one someone who seems good. So what does that leave these girls with? They don't answer that, which is okay, since it's outside the scope of their book. Their idea just raises a lot more problems than it clears up.

But then again, the book is probably meant mainly to be funny anyway. Are we so desperate for self-help that we can't take a joke? Probably.

I rambled about other stuff too. Wanna see?

April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 May 2006 June 2006 August 2006 October 2006 December 2006 February 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 September 2007 July 2008

projects, friends, etc.

  • I love Bollywood so much that I made a separate blog for it.
  • remember when I went to Australia?
  • when you take grad school too much to heart re: literature
  • when you take grad school too much to heart re: travels
  • The Trophy Wife
  • rock and roll lifestyle
  • Why God Why
  • Technically not a friend, as not a human, but still a place I love very much, so it counts: Massey College
  • credits

  • Blog design is based largely on Not That Ugly with some ideas from Firdamatic with some additional tweaking
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  • Hurrah for Blogger
  • And for folks trying to library-ize blogs: Blogwise and Blogarama
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